The end of your relationship has ended, and truth is, no one can really prepare you for the emotional turbulence that is about to be experienced. Sure, every separation is different, and the intensity of emotions will vary from person to person, but the ending of a relationship remains one of the most traumatic experience some people will encounter in their lifetime.
As we were growing up, we were most likely raised with certain life principles such as respect, kindness, acceptance, forgiveness … the list goes on, yet when facing a painful separation, all these principles seem to fly out the window. Suddenly, two adults who were seemingly well educated and good people, transform into relentless warriors where peace seems to be only foreseeable in the destruction of the other.
So here goes. It’s all fine if two adults make this choice and want to ruin their lives, but what about when those two adults are also parents? Who is thinking about the children then?
I like to remind separating parents that there are 3 kinds of separation/divorce:
- The emotional separation
- The financial division and sharing of children
- The legal divorce
And they ought to be addressed in that order.
What does this mean? It means that your emotional separation is the most important part of the separation and if not given the priority it deserves, then the financial division, sharing of children and the legal divorce will be considerably ill addressed!
Everything starts with an emotion, and when we make choices based on raw emotions, the results are likely to be inefficient and/or irresponsible and sometimes even devastating.
Such devastating outcomes are often experienced in litigation, because litigation is all about making a point, regardless of everyone’s needs and no litigation has ever ended in leaving people moving on feeling happy.
Separating parents need to be on the same page moving forward as co-parents. They need to be on the same page not only for the best interest of the children. They need to be on the same page to agree that this is the right way that they will find happiness. If one parent gets to turn the page without such consideration, then the children will be left behind!
If after reading this, you are still unsure about Mediation, ask yourself: What am I trying to achieve that cannot be done in Mediation?
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