I’m Stuck

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While a divorce/separation is painful, now and again, I meet someone who is really struggling to move on with their life.

The first thing to understand is that healing isn’t a linear process. To experience ups and downs are normal. You have been married/together for a certain period of time and a divorce/separation shakes what you know your life to be. It is new and like many changes, it is scary.

But while it is natural for this life changing event to take time to sink in, to accept it, even to regret it, it should not consume you and keep you from moving on.

If you are finding yourself stuck. That months and sometimes even years later you are still affected by this life transition, it is time to take back control over your life and self.

When the end of a relationship has such a devastating impact on your life, it really explains that you are nurturing being a victim of your circumstances. We are all victims, at times, to life’s challenges and difficulties. Feeling like a victim of life, is not easy and it is painful. We believe we are the victims of a feeling which we have no control over, but it is also a choice.

Being a victim means something happened to us. We are its victim, and we have no control over it. We truly believe that we can do nothing for ourselves…but you can choose something different, something better.

If you have a choice, it follows that you are responsible for making those choices. You are either the recipient of your good choices or the victim of your bad choices.

Owning your choices can be daunting, but you cannot escape responsibility for what you are doing.

Here are 4 tips to break free from the victim mentality:

  1. Take ownership and responsibility for your own needs and behaviour.
  2. Understand that you are the only person you can control. You cannot control someone else or a circumstance.
  3. Clarify what you want and what you should do to get it.
  4. The solution is in the present and the future. We are products of the past but we do not have to go on being its victims. It is our present perceptions that influence our present behaviour and so it is these perceptions that we need to work through.

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