Many people ask me what exactly is Mediation and why is it better?
“Mediation is a voluntary process that can help two sides to reach an acceptable solution to their differences. A mediator can help the parties to examine ideas and options in a neutral, safe environment where they are both free to express their opinions.”
While the process is effective, it is important to consider the “voluntary” part.
Many unfortunately do not choose Mediation over Litigation, not because they do not believe in the process, but because it is voluntary! Yes, unfortunately, it is sad times when being required to take responsibility to discuss ideas and reach acceptable solutions is a choice that seems less favourable than the motivation of winning over the other person’s hurt.
You are angry at your ex, I get that! It’s not wrong. You are possibly processing deceit, lies and even betrayal. Any normal human being would feel hurt and angry, but, in facing this reality, your divorce/separation ought to be a solution and not become the nightmare of your future. Your divorce mustn’t become worse than was your relationship, otherwise you might as well stay unhappy together, wouldn’t you say?
Because of your anger, you now want things to go your way, and engaging in conflict seems the most logical way to get what you want.
Now while it is true that conflict will pave the way to have your way or the high way, it absolutely does not guarantee that your will be the winner. And if you do win, have you actually considered what it would mean to win? Is it getting more money? Is it destroying your children’s other parent? Then what? Do you believe that it would make you feel better, resolve your anger and heal your hurt?
Truth is, no amount of conflict will ever make you feel better. Even if you do get momentarily what you want, you will remain a hostage to your own hurt and anger, destroying any hopes to move on and make the most of your future.
In voluntarily, and by that, I mean consciously, choosing Mediation, you give yourself the opportunity to work through your emotions, recognise that truly getting what you want will be found in a win-win outcome, allowing your family to heal and for your children to keep the best of both their parents.
If your choice between Mediation and Litigation is still uncertain, ask yourself:
Would you rather waste money on your conflict or invest it in your children?
Would you rather waste time in courts or spend it creating happy memories with your children?
The choice boils down to that.
The Law doesn’t raise children, parents do!
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