A divorce/separation has the aim to end a relationship two adults no longer wish to have together.
Whether the separation is consenting or not, it is necessary to acknowledge that if you are facing this eventuality, your relationship is no longer harmonious, and that alone needs to be realised. However, under no circumstances should this change the experience the children are meant to have with their parents.
For children, facing their parents separation is hard enough. To see the two people they love the most no longer love each other is a defying experience for their immature emotional self.
Now, while your separation will modify the time you spend with your children, it mustn’t interfere with their time spent with both their parents.
While your separation will need you to review finances, it ought not interfere with your financial responsibilities towards your children.
While your separation will divide your household, it ought not divide your children’s family.
The ending of your relationship does not define who you are as a parent. You still are the same parent with the same role and responsibilities as before and whereas some adjustments will have to be made by all in regards to schedule and finances, no adjustments are required in terms of loving and caring for your children.
Parenting is not a competition, it’s about working together to create your children’s childhood memories.
Here are a few tips on how to achieve working together for the sake of your children:
Keep trying until you get it right.
You are not going to get right the first time, granted, but if your motivation is shared to raise happy, healthy, stable children, then you will get it right.
Recognise your egotistical mind.
Your ego likes to compare. When in competition with your co-parent, you will inevitably compare yourself to them. Whether it’s by blaming yourself for not having as much as your co-parent or believing you are better equipped to take care of the children, comparing yourself and allowing your ego to interfere in your co-parenting relationship will hurt the children. Instead keep your focus on the love you share for the children.
Co-parents must learn to be compassionate and resilient.
I like to remind parents that all you truly are as parents, is a role model to your children. It doesn’t matter who is wrong or who has done wrong, you both need to engage in your parenting role as compassionate and resilient individuals. Only then will your children be able to learn how to become compassionate and resilient themselves..
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