Happy Mother’s day!
Mother’s Day, around the world, although having varying meanings in different context whether celebrated religiously, historically or legendarily, in these modern days it is mostly about celebrating the mother of the family, motherhood and the influence of mothers in society.
When parents are separated, this day can be marked with a conflict of interest when parents share their children within two homes and Mother’s day falls out of the routine custody agreement. Some parenting plans make an effort to plan a year ahead to cover these kind of special days, but because having children means first and foremost being able to change and adapt one’s agenda ongoingly, there is no guarantee that Mother’s day is going to be met free of re-arrangement around the children.
For separated parents, marking these specials days are beyond just a celebration. It is about handing over a legacy of family traditions to your children. Some people may not be holding much importance for such events and others do. These kind of differences can be felt with more impact when two parents have different opinions about dates which are celebrated.
So how do you deal with it and what does it mean really?
First of all it’s about what your values are, secondly, it’s about creating childhood memories for your children.
If you are a co-parent who has the children the weekend of Mother’s day, don’t make it about giving up your time with your kids, make it about handing down role modelling the value of respecting each other and about contributing to your children’s childhood memories.
In other words, looking back on this, how would you want your children to walk away remembering this day in their childhood? As a time when their parents fought “childishly” about whose weekend it was or acquire the message that it’s okay to not value doing something special for someone else? Would you want them to remember parents who are at grip with each other over let them cherish a memory of a fun day with the “Parent of the day”?
If you are facing conflicts around making such decisions, you are still hostage to your emotional breakup and will therefore make decisions based on your current state of mind, which is hurt translated into anger. Likewise, you are raising children in an environment filled with stress, robing them of a childhood free from, blame, criticism, punishment, threats and complaints.
Whatever type of parents you are, remember that without parents, there would be no children. That alone is worth celebrating, wouldn’t you say?
The Law doesn’t raise children, Parents do!