I see many parents that are in conflict, and some that can’t even be in the same room as each other.
People ask me how I remain neutral in those instances, that there must be one that is right and one that is wrong. Truth is, when in conflict, both are right and both are wrong.
I had a parent in tears once, begging me to believe their side of the story.
Reality is that it doesn’t matter to me who is right and who is wrong. We all have our own perception and that perception will drive our behaviour. Since I am here to assist resolve a conflict, I come from the position that to any problem there is a solution. If a conflict sees no resolution, the problem is not the problem, the problem is the person’s attitude towards the problem.
You see, we always play a role in situation where we find ourselves involved in. As long as we play a role in the conflict, we are neither right nor wrong, we are contributing to the problem.
There are 3 distinct roles we play when we are part of a conflict. We are either the “blameless one”, the “good one” or the “right one”.
As long as we remain in either of these roles, we remain part of the problem and somehow are thriving to make a point.
So, yes, some people do behave wrongly, but the behaviour usually indicates how capable or incapable an individual is equipped to deal with a situation and it is here that the support is necessary to 1) reassure the fear which motivates our defensive behaviour and 2) redirect the need to be right which is translated with an inefficient or irresponsible behaviour. It is here that lies the opportunity to grow and do something different.
The end of the conflict will take place when we own our part in that conflict and move forward with the intention to make a difference. No law can achieve this. You, and you alone, hold the key to make that choice.
Are you trying to make a point or are you trying to make a difference?
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