Pointing Finger

Many people that I meet for counselling or mediation have a finger to point at the other party.

I like to begin with establishing that no one is ever blameless. Sure, some people are downright wrong and even bad, but that doesn’t mean that the other person is blameless.

Finger Pointing is defined as casting blame or assigning the blame for something to someone else. If a person feels they are the victim of someone else’s behaviour, pointing the finger at that person will not provide a sustainable solution.

If you look at the other person, or situation, with a sense of right and wrong according to your value system and perception, then it is easy to find blame. If you hold the belief that you are blameless then naturally it is easy to find fault in the other person.

While there are many different situations to refer to and at times situations which need to be reported for one’s or someone else’s safety, pointing fingers usually is not about safety but about getting someone to take all the blame.

In co-parenting issues, there are unfortunately many scenarios and yes, some parents are totally wrong when it comes to evading financial responsibility towards their child or is withholding access of the child to their other parent, but unfortunately, pointing fingers at the other parent is often less about the children than it is about your own responsibility in the matter. Instead, focus on the things you have control over and how you choose to respond to the situation. This will provide better solutions, in the long run, than just pointing fingers.

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