All I hear from people going through a divorce is how they want to move on, yet, so many have been battling their divorce for an ongoing 2, 3, 4, and even 5 years.
The conflict they are experiencing is sinking them further in a position that feels more like being a hostage to their divorce than a battle to just get a better agreement.
The anger that has settled between two people who once shared a life together is so intense, that the wish to move on has been replaced by a wish to destroy the other person.
By the time people have been back and forth in court and have most likely spent a large amount of money, if not all and even got into debt for it, the Judge will summon them to mandatory mediation to now be adult about their conflict and start taking responsibility to finalise their agreement to divorce.
If anything, a divorce ought to be viewed as a solution.
While not all divorces are clear cut, no divorce should become a reason for ongoing conflicts, destruction, and a battle for the rest of your life.
People need to approach divorce with the understanding that there are in fact three divorces:
- The Emotional Divorce
- The Financial Divorce &
- The Legal Divorce
And they should be approached in this order, because if your emotional divorce is not given the priority and importance it deserves, the financial and legal divorce will be dragged by unresolved emotions.
Then there is the matter of Litigation vs Mediation.
Yes, you may have reached the end of your relationship due to some wrong doings by either or both partners, but truth is, litigating a divorce is no better than deciding to not find a solution.
Whatever you do, you have a choice, and if you lack having a choice in some matters, you still have a choice in how you react to it.
High conflict divorces can still be mediated with the approach of individual caucus sessions. Parties do not have to be in the same room, but as long as the motivation is to not waste money, not waste time and reach a responsible and mindful agreement, then you will soon be on your way to move on.
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