I hear many separating parents claim how mature their children are during their separation.
But think of it carefully. What would prompt you to acknowledge this?
If a separation is handled in a mature way, with both parents paying extra attention that whatever disagreement they may have does not involve the children. That their children remain carefree and able to enjoy their childhood the way they are supposed to. That they are free to love and be loved by both their parents, and, apart from adjusting to two homes, their childhood is being protected and nurtured by their parents, and their needs are being made a priority, then children are allowed to be children.
But if you find yourself thinking and telling people how mature your children are in the face of your separation/divorce, you must consider that for a child to act mature and understanding, they have been thrown in a situation which is not handled in a mature way, and find themselves forced to behave like this because their parents aren’t!
Consider why you shouldn’t be happy that your children are supposedly so mature.
If you had your child in your 20’s, then realise that your child has 20 something years, minimum, less life experience than you. That is a long time difference for them to catch up on, emotionally and psychologically, wouldn’t you say?
With this in mind, is it fair to claim that your child is acting mature in a breakup that their parents cannot manage pro-actively and maturely?
So if you find yourself thinking or saying that your children are so mature under the current circumstances, this ought to raise a red flag that, as the parents, you need to rapidly adjust your behaviour. Let this be the warning that your children are fast forwarding so quickly to be there for you and not be any added cause of concern to you, that they are missing out on just being kids.
You are the guardians of your children’s childhood memories.
Mature children are not something to be proud of. They are victims.
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