Parents going through a separation are more than familiar about the many reasons why they should not put their children “in the middle” of their separation conflicts.
Putting your children in the middle of your disagreements, threats and blackmail hurt children, and every effort must be made to understand that your divorce/separation is not your children’s divorce/separation.
Putting children outside of your conflicts, though, still leaves your children vulnerable, because, while you are making some real efforts to not bad mouth their other parents in front of them, or argue with their other parent in front of them or even discuss your role and responsibilities in front of them, this means that many a time you will actually, physically, be telling your children to leave the room they are in, to do all of the above. Do you see where I’m getting at?
Keeping your children safe from your conflicts and disagreements goes far beyond not doing all these things in front of your children. Keeping your children safe and sparing your children from the hurt of your separation is actually being able to keep your children in the middle.
You see, children live in the space that is between their parents. What you do with that space will determine the quality of your children’s childhood.
Haven’t you noticed how children love being in the middle of their parents? They love to sleep between their parents, sit between them, walk between them, just be between them all the time. Children feel safe being in the middle …. So next time you are concerned about what your separation is doing to your children and you are making the effort to not put them in the middle, make sure actually that you are keeping them in the middle:
- Of knowing that the love you have for your children has no conditions.
- From feeling they have permission to love and be loved by both their parents.
- From not having to take sides.
- Knowing that even if they will live in 2 houses it’ll always be their home.
- From feeling safe just being kids.
- Of keeping their family intact.
Because children feel safe being in the middle, just keep the middle safe for them!
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