Why is divorce so damn hard

A divorce/separation is hard and it also can bring out the worst in normally good people.

It’s just like getting onto a rollercoaster. You may have initially wanted it, you are happy stepping in it, but the unexpected ups and downs are often not what you anticipated.

It’s wise to acknowledge that if you got to that point in your life, your relationship is no longer a long term option and a separation is inevitable. Here are a few things to consider:

  • Your separation is not a failure. It just means you have both grown in different directions or at different pace.
  • People naturally are inclined to hang on to what is familiar, even if it’s no longer making them happy. A separation brings in the unknown which creates fear and resistance, obstructing a smooth divorce process.
  • Toxic relationships are all about controlling the other person and wanting the other person to be a certain way or do certain things. When separating from a toxic relationship, it is important to accept that this behaviour does not work, yet conflicted separations remain about controlling the other person. You cannot control someone else. You can only have control over yourself.
  • Do you know what you want? Anger can obstruct you from clearly knowing what you want and while your marriage was falling apart because of conflicts around what you didn’t want, divorcing with the same focus will not allow you to move forward. It’s time to clarify what you want for your future.
  • Work a plan. A marriage is about love, a divorce is about the children and money. While Love is spontaneous, children and money need planning. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

~ Nadia Thonnard